Furniture Fiasco

Lalafells have often felt like the butt of the joke, and now to make matters worse, their butt is expected to sit upon the brand new 'Lalafell Lifter'!Ikoko Iko stated 'why can't we dye the wood!?', referencing the chair's obvious paint-repelling varnish. But it's not just the home decorating that this faulty furnishing has encountered!'I feel like a toddler!' Digo Ronigo (CEO of Angry Pixie Apple Brewery LTD.) claimed. Ronigo went on to declare that he refused to fill his ale houses with the recommended Lalafell-designed furniture.However, these complaints have led to carpenter pushbacks!

A recent promotion from Cittax Narair's Custom Carpentry states that they have been making bespoke furniture, designed for Lalafells, for over 3 years.'Complaints come and go - people like what they like' Narair explained, though refused to answer any comments regarding potential discriminatory design choices.

Refunds for Reroutes

After O'ghomoro erupted unexpectedly, multiple major airship travel lines have been disrupted, resulting in reroutes. Hundreds of passengers have found themselves in locations far away from their booked destination.'This has been ridiculous! We nearly died!' one traveller revealed after their near-catastrophe.'The airship was full to the brim. We were heading into La Noscea and all of a sudden we hear this huge WHOOSH and have to swerve, so hard that I fell and dropped my Chanterelles on the Au'Ra guy next to me!' Stated well-known botanist, Valra Hvanras.

Commercial Complaints

As the nightlife of Eorzea spices up, there's one aspect that has left patrons with a bitter taste in their mouths. Shout running.In the past 2 months, the mayor for La Noscea has received over 6000 complaints regarding the constant stream of advertisements in Limsa Lominsa. Many highlighting issues below:

While it could be argued that 'shout runners' are essential to the latest venue promotion, there is reason to believe there may be a better way. Right?

The Barking Shark

Ishgard has just announced it's brand new, 2139th original nightclub: The Barking Shark. Get ready to experience the best party in Eorzea with the new and unfounded features this nightclub has to offer!

Book your VIP ticket to enter 3 minutes early, now on special offer at only 67,000,000g!

Wilting Profits Ahead

With inflation and impossible standards rising, farmers are struggling to keep the vegetable stock in check. Not only are they being forced to work relentless hours for all seasons, but the produce they have are being refused due to new guidelines.

Multiple restaurants have temporarily closed down due to the rising scarcity and cost relating to vegetable produce. In the hopes to alleviate these issues, master crafters are working on ways to improve tools to enhance harvesting techniques.Will the new gatherer relic help in this endeavour?

What-Not-To-Feed
(cats edn.)

Pictured above is our delightful feline friend. How cute! Unfortunately, new pet owners have become unaware of the dangers of overfeeding. We may think it's an act of love, but take a look at Mr. Snuffles below :(

Remember, always feed your kittens controlled portions, a good quality diet, and save treats for special occasions. We suggest:

Airship Documents Declared Missing

The claims have been confirmed after a whistle-blower leaked the news that critical documents have been lost after being transported.The Ministry of Aviation announced that a search mission is being conducted in order to retrieve them. However, when asked regarding the possibility of thievery, they simply responded 'no comment'.Many chocobo taxi passengers now claim they witnessed 'shady dealings' around airship docks. Frequent claims cited seeing a male Elezen and male Viera acting 'suspicious'.

The Ministry of Aviation is now on the backfoot; how will they ever make up this catastrophic error to their customers?

'It Bit Off Half My Tail!'

A sprout TV reporter cried after being rescued by a local adventure at Satasha Seagrot. During a report regarding the thriving ecosystem in the Grotto, he got a little too close to the local clams. Miqo'te may have 9 lives, but they only have 1 tail.

Beauty Contest
*must be pretty to enter

Little Lala, Big Terror

An unknown Lalafell of has been terrorizing CCTV around Ishagard for 3 months straight! The authorities have not been able to capture or identify the culprit.Below is the clearest image authorities were able to enhance. If any members of the public recognise this person, please get in contact.

♥ My Little Chocobo ♥

'My little Chocobo' has been cleared for its first season! The beloved toy-line by Hasroe Toys™ are excited to announce that soon kids all over Eorzea will be able to view their toys on the TV! Featuring some fan favourites, including:

We can't wait to see what our little feathery friends get up to! Hope to see you there! ♥

A Collection of Poems

There once was a Miqo named Noft
Who lived all his life in a loft
Got spooked and came down
Face white as a clown
Was simply a mouse that coughed
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There was a young lady named Sage
Singing songs of days as whitemage
She got too crass
Then fell on her ass
And couldn't get back on the stage
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A gourmet dining Ra'ish Soo
Who found a large mouse in their stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one, too."
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Once was a wise prophet named Vy
Who could see fortunes in the sky
Saw something quite weird
It fell, her foot speared
An arrow from a spout gone awry

Double-Act Arrested

Limsa Lominsa Police Department (pictured below) reveal they have apprehended the two perpetrators responsible for the missing airship logs.Elmant Tretetoix and Augustus Grimoire are being withheld in police custody. According to police intel, both individuals are known for petty crimes around the city.LLPD are now interrogating the two for answers regarding the missing documents, last seen in locked in a suitcase within the Ministry of Aviation's headquarters. Both are being uncooperative.

Mini Stabbies Continue

After numerous reports of uncontrollable raids, a mini-Tonberry invasion has been spotted at Siren's Call.Their photographer managed to snap a picture before getting multiple papercuts to the ankles. Officials state that this could become a bigger epidemic should the raids continue to get out of hand.

Photo by: Lernirran Eryut

One witness stated that she would 'start walking around with a big net' in case of future appearances. Mist's delegate blames the increased sighting on the amount of litter near the cove. He expanded to say 'the little mites live chocolate, and they swarm like rodents to get a nibble'. More updates when available. Stay safe and remember to wear your shinguards.

Please, Van Gogh Away!

Everyone should be encouraged to explore creative outlets in their lives, but the recent trend has caused homeowners to consider remotgaging their properties for some peace!Lavender beds has always been a picturesque location with ample scenery to paint, though it it seems some newer artists prefer to adorn rooves instead.

Local residents revealed sightings of a female Au'ra and a male Roegadyn nearby the graffitied gaffs.One gent exclaimed 'I wouldn't mind but this is going to cost a lot of Monet to fix!'

Missing: Sir Stefano

The searching for Stefano continues with no new major leads.
Customers of The Miqo'tea Room have banded together to aid the search for their much-loved tearoom butler.Each member of management has been approached to give more details, though none were able to elaborate much more on his personal life.'He was just very private' stated Vyreia Sun. 'He was just so reserved. Believe me, I tried but...he [Stefano] just wasn't an outgoing person. I hope we find him soon!' She continued.Though, speculations have risen; what sort of managers don't know their own butler?

Date Night Ideas

You know what day it is? Yeah, it's Friday 28/04/2023. Is that a special date? No...not really.But why do you need a very special date to celebrate the one you care about the most!? Exactly, you definitely don't! So we have the perfect places for you to wine & dine your amour.

Say hi from the Gazette!And remember, we appreciate your support.

Man Vs. Morbol

HELLOOOOOOOO EORZEAAAAAA!!!!!It's t-t-t-t-t-tiiiiiiime to brawl it out in the name of pride and dignity. Coming to a stadium near you, we're featuring the all new, all epic, and all real*.

*may not be real

In this thrilling event we have the undeeeercat Warcsi McFluff VS Frank the Mooooorboool!

VS

Everyone except the LLPD are welcome to join in on the bloodshed and trauma-inducing fun!Tickets cost only 9,999,999g and can be purchased from your local shady alleyway Morbol Minion dealer.T&Cs apply or something idk man.

Enigmatic Engagement

Cult recruitment posters have been spotted around major cities of Eorzea. While some reseidents believe this is nothing but a childish joke, many are beginning to genuinely believe there is an underground community of cultists.A whistle-blower leaked photos (including above) of ceremonial acts involving crimson-cape donned figures in a dark room. Horrifically, another seems to be spreading throughout depicting a potential sacrifice. More to be updated.

Gabbing nan Garlond

Cid nan Garlond is revered for his magitek expertise and wide expansive knowledge. Many apprentices and upcoming engineers have sought to be bestowed by his logical brain.And many regret asking.Members of the Gazette dedicated an afternoon at the Praetorium, asking for his insight there. However....he just couldn't stop talking! reems and reems of seemingly nonsensical words!

We signalled to leave but he wouldn't join us. As far as we know...he's still there chuntering on with all the nuts and bolts of the walls.

The Grape Depression

Describe the perfect grape. Sweet? Juicy? Succulent? Ripe? Refreshing?

How about a pixelated cone of despair and misery?No. We didn't think so.Farmers need to get their act together. OOF.

Sweet Little Sociopaths

A study from S.J. Mitsa suggested that correlations between serious crimes and Lalafell were taking a significant rise. This is supported by a decade long sociological study from G. Guku which explored the increased cases in Lalafell anger caused by societal pressure and expectations.

However, the studies have been criticised due to many interpreting the conclusions as 'diminishing Lalafell struggles' rather than acknowledging why they are having outbursts.

STEFANO FOUND

After a week-long search mission for Miqo'tea Room's lovable butler, Stefano, he has finally been found!

While the exact details of his disappearance is unclear, it is safe to say that having Stafano back to safety is the top priority.The LLPD would like to thank the following venues for being so upfront with information when questioned. Your cooperation allowed the investigators to continue their search in good time.

Miqo'tea Reunion

To celebrate the return of Stefano back to The Miqo'tea Room, they are hosting a wonderful celebration in his honour!

Additionally, in tomorrow's rendition of the Gridania Gazette, we will be announcing prizes and commendations on behalf of Miqo'tea staff. Be sure to tune in for that!But until then, why not drop by?

All guests are welcome to attend and offer warm wishes to Stefano. Upon arrival, you will be given champaign and free entry into all giveaways being hosted over the evening.30th April 2023
Alpha - Lavender Beds
W21 P21

Dark Fog on Horizon

Witnesses have reported a thick black fog descending upon all of Eorzea. While it is since dissipated, experts are still puzzled by the phenomenon and are investigating.Residents are encouraged not to interfere with investigation sites. Despite this, rumours have been spreading regarding the potential for the recent cult being involved.Our photographer was able to snap a few shots amidst all the panic!

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Born Fighter

Mirel Moui

For always being ready to fight off dangers and protecting the investigation squad during missions. Mirel was always prepared with a blade (just in case).+500k prize money

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Married to the Grind

Jaime Frost

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Winners

Born Leader

Artemis Luan

For showing charisma and enthusiasm whilst offering guidance throughout the event. Artemis was able to delegate tasks and included everyone in the event.+500k prize money

Honourable Mentions

Living Notebook

Honey Bun

Best Moments

Final Battle

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Born Thinker

Yorkie Boooooo

For always being focused and ambitious when tackling puzzles and clues. Yorkie always shared findings with others and managed to solve many difficult clues.+500k prize money

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Zoomer

Kiramaru Tomioka

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